Bring Back Big Hair!

Dear Reader,

I'm glad you enjoyed my last post about hunting for pixel-blocks. I noticed you haven't left a comment yet. When you do, I want you to say something like:

"Dear Shayne, now I know what I've always wanted in life: a floppy disk! I shall drop everything and go search the world for one, then return home and set up a shrine in its honor! Sincerely, Psychotic Smartphone User."

I'm so happy for you. My final word to you is this command: LOAD "*",8,1. That was how we loaded our games on the Commodore 64. None of these frilly touchscreen app icons to tap! Ah, them good ol' days.

Now, I did touch a bit on the TV show Stranger Things and the lack of Big Hair in what was supposed to be a story set in the 1980s. My guess is that actress Winona Ryder remembers the '80s and probably flatly refused to crimp her hair the old-fashioned way. That means you shouldn't believe everything you see in that show, because it's not completely authentic. I remember when women wore their hair like this:

This is the real deal, folks. My mom took this picture and I still own the slide from which it came. That means I own the copyright, too. So if this becomes the next Facebook/Twitter/Instagram sensation, just for the record, I want my money. Now I'll bet you're dying to ask: is that a relative of mine and can you get her number? Well, honestly, I don't even know who that is. Plus, that was thirty years ago. That's the whole point.

Oops, I forgot. The point of this blog is to make fun of the silly stuff we thought was cool back in the '80s. Well, the cat's out of the bag now: I actually loved the '80s. I was born in '85 at the perfect moment, when all my "first experiences" were immersed in '80s culture. The music, the movies, the games, the fashions. So here we are with the title of this post: BRING BACK BIG HAIR!

For other people, at least. I wouldn't dream of wearing my hair Big. I tried growing my hair long after The Lord of the Rings came out in 2001, and after three or four miserable years of hating myself, I cut it down to size. (Sorry, I destroyed all the photos except for my I.D., which would be illegal to reproduce here.) But everyone else should wear their hair Big.

Would you like some face with that hair, sir?

I think the reason why people are beginning to rediscover the '80s now is that no one was afraid to be insane back then. People could wear their hair like that and get away with it. It seems a paradox that Ronald Reagan won the presidency twice in the '80s, when Moral Majority was the power behind the throne, but at the same time everyone else, well, let their hair down. You could be loud and annoy the neighbors, like Amy in Honey, I Shrunk the Kids.

Nobody would dance like that now, because we're too busy checking Instagram on our Smartphones. Plus, nobody listens to boomboxes now -- we have earbuds. Could Amy mop the floor in earbuds? Maybe, except they'd fall out. Plus, how would Russell Thompson fall in love with her if she weren't blasting the music next door? So you see, my dear readers, maybe they knew a thing or two back then. They thought they were cool. But maybe thirty years from now, who knows? The generation following Generation-Z will look back on Millennials and be nostalgic for our iPhones.